Back to life, Back to Nutella (FOUR)

And with that, my little novel, (ahem, novelette!) is over!

Thank you all so much for the love over the past few days (faith in humanity: restored!) It's hard to be vulnerable and open, but I've been sitting on these posts for a good couple of months, and it felt like the right time to let 'em free! I needed closure, I needed freedom....and to talk about the elephant in the room.

Luckily though, I'm done! We can go back to worrying about the important things in life. I currently have a wildly impressive cold sore which demands a lot of my nervous energy, as well as the looming horrors of history tests and piano recitals. And you? You've probably got a 3 seasons of Downton Abbey to catch up on. I'm sorry for interrupting your marathon!

But, after all, I can't make everyone happy,
I'm not a jar of nutella.

Let that be a life lesson to all of us. And off you go!

REJOICE IN HOPE, 

BE PATIENT IN TRIBULATION, 

AND STEADFAST IN PRAYER.

Romans 12:12

And suddenly, a comma! (THREE)

(exhale friends, the end is near! we can go back to macaroon photos soon!)

Losing a friend is hard. Losing my best friend was really hard.
But in my retelling of the tale, I left out the most important part of the story,

I left out My wonderful, gracious, extraordinary Heavenly Father.

Our friendship may have ended, BUT GOD remained a faithful friend to me. I may have been broken, BUT GOD was my strength. I may have felt helpless and alone, BUT GOD lifted my burdens into His mighty hands. I might have been friendless, BUT GOD filled my cup and then some.

As fate (or God! probably that ) would have it, I have simultaneously been experiencing this same kind of thing, but on the other end. On the end full of grace and goodness. One friendship crashing down, another being built back to glorious heights. He restored a different old, broken friendship. He resurrected it! He made it new! (it's like Easter all over again!)

And because of that, because of HIM, I have hope. Not because the situation looks promising,
But because I know God is in control of the situation. Redemption is inevitable, it's just a question of which side of Heaven it will happen on.

Because I know in the end, He wins.

And that's the best part about it.

Do you know that cute, cliche Christian quote? The one about not placing a period where God has placed a comma? A few weeks ago, I began erasing the self imposed period of this part of my story. I penciled in a comma. A divine, God ordained comma.

Sadness has been replaced with peace. Mourning slowly morphed into Joy. Weeping to (really bad) dancing. A friend lost, a new understanding of the Lord gained. And with it enough peace for a herd of hippies, which is one of the best side effects to date.

And so sorry if I faked you out with the dramatic title of this saga. This isn't really the end of everything.....

Though God's grace, it's the beginning of so much more. 

The Last Good Day (TWO)

"There's no way of knowing that your last good day is Your Last Good Day. At the time, it is just another good day." 
- The Fault in Our Stars

I had a good day with two of my dearest friends a few months ago. And, as life would have it,  I had no idea it would be my Last Good Day, of a different kind.

Imagine being friends with someone for 14 years. Imagine that you tell that person everything, the secrets, the juicy news, the drama. The friend whose door you don't have to knock on, because you know you can come right in. The friend who was more than just a friend, she was your sister.

And then imagine that one day, she won't talk to you.

(plot twist!)

It's been really hard for me, the past few months. Losing my greatest friend, my (I thought) closest ally. I honestly can't even remember NOT being friends with her because we've been friends for so long.

Or I should say, we were friends for so long. Key word being were.

It's not easy to lose someone you thought would be in your life forever. It's not easy to wake up one morning and realize you don't have anyone to talk to about boys or nail polish (both, equally important in life.) And when you're that girl who has had your wedding planned for years...well, now I have to start looking for a new maid of honor.

I keep thinking back to the Last Good Day. And I wish I could have known, how significant that day really was. I try and remember something that went wrong, but it was perfect. In every way...to me at least. We were giggling at inside jokes practically older than us, snapping bestie photos and all that jazz.

But no.

It was the last time we'd ever laugh about that joke, the last time we'd ever take a photo together.

That was the last time she was my best friend.

That was the last time she was my friend at all.

The stupid thing is, I'm not even mad. I'm heartbroken and crushed and in tears some days, but I'm not mad at all. I keep expecting a text from her. I keep thinking I've got to tell her this! I'm still curious how her book is coming and if the characters got married or not and wondering if she still keeps the newspaper clipping of our art teacher in her closet.

And then I realize, I'll never know. 

And that's hard for me.

The End of Everything (ONE)

Last night I had a dream that my best friend attacked me. Both verbally and physically, it was intense. I woke up soaked in sweat....and with the realization that I needed to share what's been brewing.

There are only 3 people in the world who will understand the significance of this photo. 2 of them don't read this blog and the other one is me.

But all the same, I got new tape in art class.

I threw away the old tape, and the memory's of the person who gave it to me. A new friend lent me hers. And it was hard. I was debating whether to do it or not, to move on, to throw it away.

It was stupid, it was silly. But it was the last piece I had of her.

Welcome to The End of Everything.