Same


I bought this pink leather jacket for no reason other than it made me smile. It made me happy when I saw it on the website, it made me excited the whole 3 weeks it was being processed and shipped. The only ironic thing is, as soon as I got it and proclaimed "WE HAVE TO GO TAKE PHOTOS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!", I didn't smile in a single one of them.

Weird.

(probably because I haven't been wearing my retainer?)

The more things change; the more things stay the same. It's funny how that works. I'll be turning 20 this year and while my life is nothing like I envisioned, at the same time it's all still the same. Pink is forever my favorite color, I love getting up before the sun, the best place for brunch is STILL McDonalds. (and I thought I had a cultured palette, but no!) And moreover, the most constant part in life is that Christ is always with me.

I expect 2017 will hold a lot of changes, but at the end of the day, it's comforting to know that some things will forever remain. Pink leather jackets, sunrise the same shade of pink, crispy hashbrowns and God's unending love- I'm glad those will always stay the same.

A FEMININE FEBRUARY

May your February be extra feminine and full of flowers and well designed valentines!

And if it isn't full of any of those things, I hope it's full of pink at least.

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HAPPY CHAUNNYAAA?


Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this occasion.

Hannanuk is an 8 day holiday and It's safe to say that even 8 days of celebrating I still couldn't figure out how to actually spell it.

So why Hanukkah? A lot of my friends were pretty curious. As Christians, we already know the true meaning of Christmas so why celebrate and take part in a religious tradition that is the Jewish alternative for celebrating the messiah?

Honestly, I don't have a deep theological reason. I just kind of wanted too (and the fried potatoes part didn't hurt) and we decided to order a 12 dollar menorah off amazon and go for it. And even though the inexpensive menorah turned out to be kind of a dud and an extreme fire hazard, our house made it through the eight days without burning down via menorah malfunction and our hearts were actually INCREDIBLY blessed from the celebration process.


The Anxiety Anecdote.


Last night I successfully avoided a panic attack for the first time. It felt like I had run a marathon, memorized a nuclear launch code and fought off a hundred creepy cat-callers...all while sitting on my bed. Talent? Nope. But learning to handle panic attacks is pretty cool, for me anyway.

BACKSTORY WITHOUT A SOB STORY: I've been having panic attacks pretty regularly for about 4 years now. Granted, at first I wasn't aware they were panic attacks, we all thought I was just having a lot of emotional breakdowns. Turns out that it wasn't just emotions, it was a neurological disorder. I could be happy emotionally and still have panic attacks. At first it was annoying, I hate breakdowns haha! Then I got to the point where I could easily identify panic attacks....after they had happened. (Which didn't seem too helpful at the time, but it was part of the process.) After seeing a therapist for the past year and being painstakingly observant, I began to see when one was coming and what the triggers would be (one time it was a man going 25 in a 40, no joke.)

I knew one was coming all day yesterday. It's hard to describe if you haven't experienced them/have no sympathy but it's not a fun feeling. I'm aware that there are far worse things to have happen to you in life, and I'm grateful that anxiety isn't a lifelong prison sentence, but something that is able to be worked through and controlled to some degree. It was building and building until finally when I dropped my pencil and paper as I was heading up the stairs, that was it.

Except, it wasn't.

Because instead of having a breakdown, I bent down. I picked up the pencil and paper and collected my mixed emotions and went upstairs. I sat on my bed and drank my tea, fully aware of the panic attack happening inside yet not letting affect me physically or emotionally.

Such a weird sensation but also, YEAH! That progress is pretty darn exciting.






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