ME MINUS EVERYTHING EQUALS ??

I'm Karissa. I live by the beach. I'm tan. I'm a photographer. I go to Moes and Chickfila at least 5 times a week. I go to three different churches and I watch the sunset at my spot on the river every night.

Except now, the only thing that hasn't changed on that list is my name.

It took leaving home and moving to Texas to realize that WHERE I am actually has very little to do with who I am. It was unsettling at first. What am I without a house by the beach and a job that I love? Who am I when I'm not in my normal setting of church and friends and school? What am I like-really?

Though unknowingly, I came to college with the expectation that my well established life and routines would be exactly the same. I thought it would be easy to slip back into my old life, yet in a new place. Surely it wouldn't be too hard! I mean, they have Chick-Fil-A on campus and the sun sets every day no matter what so there's that.

Well the Chick-Fil-A closes at 7pm. And doesn't serve salads. And I miss most of the sunsets because I'm in lab or the library.

So what am I, without that? Who am I, when I'm stripped of all the external things that made me, me?

I'm Karissa. I live in Abilene Texas. I don't live by the beach, and my parents won't for much longer either. I study biology. I eat at least 4 apples every day. I'm obviously not tan at ALL. I see the sunsets as I'm walking home from the library.

Every physical marker that I associated with my identity has changed. From my possessions (new car!) to profession (no job!) to passions (passing classes) to popularity (ha, that's laughable) has all changed. I don't wear dresses very often, I hardly do a full face of makeup. I can't get up at 6:30 because my roommate would murder me, and rightfully so.

It was suffocating at first. I can't be me! The one thing I'm sure of in life is who I am. 

The thing is, you can't force an old life into a new location. You can't move to a totally new place, leave everything you know behind...yet expect it to be the same? Because that would be weird and also, completely physically impossible. But I tried anyway, because that was my life! It was what I knew.

The only thing beyond my name that hasn't changed, is Jesus. 

In a day my identity went from established to very confused, but He was the same. When I was worried about who to be, He never changed. His love for me and grace in my life didn't stop when I moved 3,000 miles from home. If anything, the less I have of me in the way, the more room in my life I have for The Lord.

It's painful. It's hard to let go of things you thought were a part of your identity. But really on this earth?. And beaches and tans are nice and all, but really the only thing I've got for sure and forever is my name and my savior.

(But if Jesus doesn't mind, I'd love to get the tan back!)

MID-SUMMER STATE OF THE UNION.

I'm sure you've all been wondering, what is she going to do with her life?? And for those of you who automatically assumed that I would continue living in my over-saturated, iced coffee la-la land...well you're only half right. 

This post was originally going to be about my bathrobe that I love other mid-summer favorites. But in the course of opening my computer and logging in (jk, who even has time to log out these days?) it morphed into a mid-summer state of the union. But I'll probably talk about the bathrobe at some point because its really comfy.

Last year when my parents proposed a gap year, I was vehemently apposed the idea of taking a year away from social events for a calm interlude between high school and college. Which apparently God thought my opinion was funny because lol, here I am. And not only that, but after the dramatic turn of events that ensued this past school year, nothing sounds better than not having to worry about decorating a dorm room or climbing yet another social ladder.

So what am I doing? I'M STAYING HOME.

That's hard, humbling and not what I want in the least. But it's what God has for me and moreover, it's what I need. I need time to heal, time to grow and time to rest, both physically and in God's grace.   50% of my friends are leaving for school, the rest are embarking on the great journey that is senior year.  Through this whole process I have come to realize that my journey is my own. Which sounds very cliche and obnoxiously new age but it's true! What is right for one friend might not be right for me. A choice they make in their life might not be what God has planned for me.

And that it's okay that life is that way.
And I'm learning to be okay with that. 

I picked these photos for this post because they're cute and also, significant. Because, during that week, I realized that serving God is less about what I pictured and more about how I fit into His big picture. And thankfully for my instagram feed, He has me in my over-saturated la-la land for a little while longer.

PS: Previous state of the union, oh so official.

Not on the menu

Today, Cheese Pizza was not on the menu. I love cheese pizza. When the last day of my life rolls around, I want to be surrounded by cheesy pizza, cupcakes and the people I love. And maybe a potato somewhere in the mix. I love potato too. We had an extra nice dinner tonight because we had a guest! We did not know our guest was coming, but she came, and she stayed. We had Rice and garlic pickle and Raita! I love Raita. The day before the last day of my life I will have fried chicken and Rita. Generally people don't mix cuisines so much, but I never go by the rules.

As for a Kodak Moment....

I think this will suffice.

And this? Another amazing Kodak Moment.

Elise will be going to college next year. College! This is so sad. Good news, she is probably going to MSU. I fully intend to invade her dorm during the year and impress her roommates with my superior muffin making skills. We've already planned this. They will swoon and wish I'd never leave. They'll beg for my recipe. They'll cry when I won't tell them. And then, they'll forget all about it. It's just how college kids are.

And, I've begun planning my epic 14th party. May I hint, you might want to brush up on the 70's.

Sincerely,
Keeping the recipe secret

PS: Anyone watch P.W Saturday???