The Anxiety Anecdote.

Last night I successfully avoided a panic attack for the first time. It felt like I had run a marathon, memorized a nuclear launch code and fought off a hundred creepy cat-callers...all while sitting on my bed. Talent? Nope. But learning to handle panic attacks is pretty cool, for me anyway.

BACKSTORY WITHOUT A SOB STORY: I've been having panic attacks pretty regularly for about 4 years now. Granted, at first I wasn't aware they were panic attacks, we all thought I was just having a lot of emotional breakdowns. Turns out that it wasn't just emotions, it was a neurological disorder. I could be happy emotionally and still have panic attacks. At first it was annoying, I hate breakdowns haha! Then I got to the point where I could easily identify panic attacks....after they had happened. (Which didn't seem too helpful at the time, but it was part of the process.) After seeing a therapist for the past year and being painstakingly observant, I began to see when one was coming and what the triggers would be (one time it was a man going 25 in a 40, no joke.)

I knew one was coming all day yesterday. It's hard to describe if you haven't experienced them/have no sympathy but it's not a fun feeling. I'm aware that there are far worse things to have happen to you in life, and I'm grateful that anxiety isn't a lifelong prison sentence, but something that is able to be worked through and controlled to some degree. It was building and building until finally when I dropped my pencil and paper as I was heading up the stairs, that was it.

Except, it wasn't.

Because instead of having a breakdown, I bent down. I picked up the pencil and paper and collected my mixed emotions and went upstairs. I sat on my bed and drank my tea, fully aware of the panic attack happening inside yet not letting affect me physically or emotionally.

Such a weird sensation but also, YEAH! That progress is pretty darn exciting.

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HEY IS FOR HORSES

I mean, I'd invited horses these pretty to my wedding- wouldn't you?

NANCY AND STEVE.

What do Nancy Drew and Steve Jobs have in common? Nothing...until now.
I grew up reading Nancy Drew Mysteries. I'm also a millennial, a product of the Steve Jobs generation. I really shouldn't be surprised that in my 19th year of living, Nancy and Steve are my biggest style inspirations. Why? Let me explain.

Nancy is a classy lady, through and through. She solves crimes in pencil skirts and kitten heels. Though the covers were slightly abstract, I can only imagine she wore pearls and bows and ruffle blouses as well. And while she probably would have scoffed at Steve Jobs sneakers (You and me both, Nanc) there's something to be said about his simplistic style. First of all, a good black turtleneck is a gift from the heavens and a saving grace on "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR" days. And finally, he wore the same thing every day. How boring, but also brave and inspiring. Steve's wardrobe is the epitome of minimal simplicity and wonderful in every way.

Trade the sneakers for kitten heels and you've got yourself my wardrobe inspiration for 2017.

Nancy and Steve. BOWS AND BLACK TURTLENECKS!
Amen.

MERRY, MERRY MEMORIES.

It seems that every year I only get around to writing about Christmas things....a month after Christmas. What can I say, I guess I just love to extend the celebration a bit further! So you can't really be mad at me for that, can you?

HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY JANUARY?

Something like that.

Operation: Get Andy to Vandy

This is Andrew and he's the reason I passed all my high school classes. And now he's on his own adventure, applying to Princeton and Vanderbilt and all those places us community college kids only dream of. My fingers are crossed for Andy to end up at Vandy, not only because it rhymes but also because he'll be potentially even closer to me than he is right now (which is only 20 minutes haha.)

We decided to shoot the day before school began, as kind of a last hurrah before the beginning of our final semester at home. I'm glad I've got to spend a lot of my childhood and teenagehood with Andrew because he's kind of the best.

(you should have seen his Facebook post on my birthday! It made me cry...and made everyone else think we were dating.)

Here's to you.

AN ODE TO ORANGE...

...and the fact that I finally got to experience fall weather that was lower than 80 degrees!

REBECCA AND BRANDON

If you could have seen how badly I was shaking, you would have thought I was the one who had gotten engaged. But no!  I'm just the overly excited teenage photographer got to watch her  high school idol get engaged.

I mean, wouldn't you be shaking too?

Rebecca was everything to us in high school. I vividly remember her complimenting my coral colored cardigan in 8th grade and my best friend and I both wrote about it in our diary because it was such a momentous occasion. We took (literal) notes on all her outfits, she was the queen of belts over cardigans in 2009, and swore that one day, we would be just like her.

Well I mean, I'm 19 now but other than, I haven't really kept up my promise because Rebecca is still light years ahead of me in every respect. When Brandon contacted me about photographing their proposal, the 8th grader in me died and went to heaven. And while the shoot didn't totally go as planned (lighting, locking keys in the car and you know, my hands shaking like a level 5 earthquake was happening) it was still a magical night through and through.

And I'll have you know, I still wear that coral cardigan today. Some things never go out of fashion, especially things that Rebecca says are cute.