Graduated-ish

HOLY CANOLI! I graduated High School in the most homeschooled way possible!

How? I'm sure you're curious. No I didn't walk down the aisle in a denim skirt and you're right, I'm not one out of 10 siblings who all happen to be proficient in greek, latin and violin. But we homeschool kids have this joke that we never know what grade we are in. Someone may look like a simple tenth grader, but don't be fooled. They're actually still finishing up last years algebra and they're three years ahead in literature...so don't judge a book by it's cover or by a homeschooler and what grade they're in.

So anyway, I graduated from high school, threw my cap into the air and got emotional about school ending...a week before finals.

This picture makes me so happy. Our mothers are best friends, we've grown up five minutes away from one another, we've been on field trips and actual trips and my first sleepover was at their house! He literally drove me everywhere for like 10 years when I refused to get my license, and even let me choose what we listened too once or twice. I cried a little when he gave his speech. Even though I'm three days older, my little brother isn't so little at all!

I just have to say that if my experience with saying yes to the graduation dress is any indication of how it will be when I go shopping for my wedding dress...I'm never getting married. Because wow! First of all, i placed a ridiculous amount of significance on one dress but on the other hand, I love dresses! And at that, I have a lot. So this one needed to be special. 

(And for once, need is not a relative term.) 

After buying 3 and trying on at least 20 others, I settled for this one. And I use settled very loosely because I love it a whole lot. It was comfortable and classy and I looked like a senators wife. Speaking of senators, check out my best friend! My best friend who I literally tell EVERYTHING but we've only hung out twice lol. Life is funny, so is Jonathan and I didn't even trip on stage in those $20 shoes that happened to go well with my ridiculously overpriced dress.

It isn't every day your boss speaks at your graduation. It isn't every day that you pick which tie goes better with the grey pants for your best friends dad. It isn't every day that you get to feel this loved and this special.

Many thanks to the incredible people in my life who have helped me reach this point. My opening prayer, well it still rings true. I'm incredibly grateful God gave my parents the heart to homeschool me and sacrificed so, so much for me to walk across that stage...a week before finals.

So you can continue to pray for me and deliver chocolate at my doorstep, because I've got one final date with High school and you can bet it's gonna be a darn good one. 

PHOTOS: 90% by @imsarahchristine who is the best human ever

DRESS: Lilly Pulitzer

SHOES: Target haha

GOOD FRIENDS: All mine. 

BLOOM AND GROW FOREVER

“A garden to walk in and immensity 

to dream in--what more could he ask? 

A few flowers at his feet 

and above him the stars.” 

-Victor Hugo

 I told a friend about my blog, which is something I rarely (read: ever) do. He was super complimentary and kind and it was a good experience! But he made a comment in passing out the name of my blog and it stuck with me.

"Garden of Happiness? What does that even mean?"

Granted, his comment wasn't much more than a "haha" and everyone's favorite emoji, but it still made me do a double take and wonder why the heck I chose that name for this blog and if there was any deeper meaning or if it was just as spur of the moment as everything else I do.
_____________________________________________________

We were driving home through Ocala three weeks ago, all eight of us crammed in one suburban with every nook and cranny stuffed with bags, blankets and extra stashes of jelly beans (cause you know, sitting in the car for thirteen hours requires a lot of energy slash motivation slash food. duh.) Have you ever driven through Ocala though? Because it's a serious place for contemplation and reflection. The sun was ridiculously bright that day and the clouds were so perfectly shaped they looked nearly fake and I got to thinking about things...which is also something I rarely do.

Having spend the past week in the mountains, celebrating our senior status by no curfews and annoying freshman, the prospects of the future and the pain and positive memories from the past were  on everyone's mind and a popular topic of discussion.

When I think about my four fateful years of High School a lot of unfortunate outfit choices and awkward moments come to mind. But when you look at who I was, a scared and insecure tiny freshman...I've come a darn long way. I have grown, not always graciously or gracefully, into the person, the ADULT, that God created me to be.

I realized that I have begun to bloom.
And then I thought of Jonathan's question.
And then, it all made sense.

The word "Bloom" is grossly overused in hipster circles. And while I hate to be cliche (except where starbucks is involved), it seems to really fit in this particular case. When I mindlessly named my blog "Garden of Happiness" so many eons ago, I didn't realize that this truly would be a place for me to blossom. From a creative standpoint, I have this blog and my mother to thank (also jesus!) for any decent photo I can take now. I've taken thousands of awful photos, posted hundreds of equal or lesser quality and written a whole slew of typo infested words to go along with.

Not only do I have the depths of the archives to look back on for memories sake, but my creative journey is clearly documented (albeit some of it cringeworthy, but documented non the less) and it's encouraging and refreshing and embarrassing, all in one!

I remember sitting in the student lounge one day my freshman year. I was awkward and pimple prone and all that teenage jazz. As I was chowing down on my pizza, two of the senior girls breezed through. Instantly, my friends and I were soaking in their every movement; They way the walked was impeccable! I specifically remember being quite entranced with the brown braided belt Rebecca was wearing.

(Because I'm not creepy at all)

Now as a senior (and a blonde!) I've realized that it isn't as magical as it seemed back then. Sure you have free reign, but you also have like, responsibility and stuff. And a future to think about. And car payments to make (thanks mom!) but still.

Growing up isn't always easy. But it can be fun and at the end of the day, it must be done. I'm thankful the Lord has carried me through these past 4 years. To revert back to my flower analogy (my whole life is a flower analogy, tbh), there have been a heck of a lot of thorns and droughts and weeds to grow through. But somehow, I managed. To grow and blossom and bloom and flourish and all that flowery, florid jazz.

 "EVERYTHING IS BLOOMING MOST RECKLESSLY; 

IF IT WERE VOICES INSTEAD OF COLORS, 

THERE WOUD BE AN UNBELIEVABLE 

SHRIEKING INTO THE HEART OF NIGHT."

(Rainer Maria Rilke)

(whoever that is)

Unless you live in a commercial, being a kid isn't always sunshine and roses. There are skinned knees and broken hearts, myriads of hurt feelings and a handful of humiliating moments. (okay, make that a couple handfuls.) But in the end, I'm still in vivid bloom.

And I'm grateful. And I'm thankful. And in case you were wondering...I really love flowers.

All in all, my life is pretty good right now. And very different from my life 4 years ago. I'm graduating, dating, driving to starbucks at least 3x a day for peach tea, working and going to like 10 different churches (oh and I'm gluten free. live gfree man.) I'm thankful the Lord allowed me to bloom into the person He created me to be. I'm not scared of people anymore! I can make phone calls without breaking into a nervous sweat! Forget not failing high school, 

that might be the biggest accomplishment of all of them. 

I started this blog six freaking summers ago, having no idea that the name of it would foreshadow my future and inspire many poor life metaphors along the way.

here's to blooming and growing, forever.

Happy TwentySixteeniors.

Here's to all the kids I've had the pleasure of photographing! Thanks for putting up with my awkward photographer stance. Also, Thanks to the police for not arresting me for trespassing because I'm actually better at that than photography!

But really, I love doing this. I don't know where it will lead or how it looks for the future but I'm glad I stole my brothers camera seven years ago. I've taken thousands of photos; some good, some not, some very very terrible but all in all, it's my favorite thing in the world. I'm thankful for the growth and progress and also terribly grateful that I've still got a long way to go. 

Moral of the story? Breaking the law isn't always a bad thing. 

PS: Throwback one.

Throwback two.

Throwback three (cringe)

MAY: THE MONTH OF ME.

"We are a generation of young women 

who were told we could do anything 

and instead heard that 

we had to be everything."

This month I admit: I can't be everything. This month I acknowledge my weakness, my shortcomings and this month I'm making choices that will make me whole again.

You should too.

Three thoughts on creativity.

CREATIVITY...

it can't be faked but it can be forced.

(This is my take on the ambiguity that is creativity. This is not scientific. Or backed up by astounding data. Just the thoughts of an 18 year old who enjoys coloring and baking cookies. And a few other things.)

I've always considered myself to be creative,  since the days of coloring books and massacred crayons to the present (still coloring, but now I use gel pens!) Being creative isn't always easy. Sometimes its frustrating and incredibly annoying and you just want to not care about every little minute detail,
but you can't. Because that's who you are. And gosh darn it, but I don't want to spend a second on this earth being anyone other than who I am supposed to be.

(Unless I have the option to be Beyonce)
(Pre-Lemonade Beyonce)

Life is busy. There are emails to be read (or ignored, your choice.) People demand your time and vice versa. There are grades to strive for and goals to be reached and when you're a creative kid, it can be seem like a waste time to make time for the things that fuel you. So, three tips! Some I've learned the hard way.

#1 CREATE SOME CRAP
That sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? (and not very lady like, sorry mom.) But in the process of being creative, no matter your craft, I believe a fair amount of crap is in order. You will make and make and it will be horrible. Don't stop there; Make and create some more and all of the sudden, it will be magic. I've never stumbled upon magic without a little crap first, it comes with the territory.

#2. TOO MUCH ART? NO SUCH THING.
This is one I believe 100%. Even if you're busy and you physically don't have time to create, make sure you're consuming a fair amount of art daily. Consider it like calories, you need them in order to live. So eat your protein and drink your milk, artistically speaking. On busy days it could be a quick scroll through a curated feed or given more time, a documentary on your favorite artist. Visit museums, browse online galleries. Consume Art in all forms! And don't skimp on this one; none of that non fat nothingness for us.

#3. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT BUT PATIENCE HELPS TOO.
Be patient with your artistic journey. It's great to set goals and even better to achieve them but sometimes life throws a wrench (or two) (or five) in our plans. And that's okay too. Relax, drink some tea and celebrate where you are and be encouraged by the possibility of where you will go. And then drink some more tea.

This post was brought to you by emotions, feels, finals procrastination and viewers like you. Thank you.

An anthem for April

APRIL ANTHEM:

Be intentional. With my time and my talents and my gifts and my shortcomings.

Create creativity....and Clean my room. Hang up the dresses, tidy the chocolate stash and create like crazy.

Hustle. Hustle hard and hustle fast, work smarter and harder.

Rest. When I'm finished, fully done and hey,  rest well.

And then there was Callahan

Have you ever found yourself wandering up and down the seasonal candy aisle at Target and grabbed something random and said, "You know what? I'm worth it!" and then bought whatever it was?

Welcome to every day of my life.

On this particular day, I was feeling especially needy and a stuffed bunny was what I had grabbed. He was especially soft and cute and quickly became a staple in my passenger seat. Pretty soon, Callahan was quite popular. And one senior shoot we decided, why not let Callahan join in?

Callahan, the most photographed stuffed animal in history.