Three thoughts on creativity.

CREATIVITY...

it can't be faked but it can be forced.

(This is my take on the ambiguity that is creativity. This is not scientific. Or backed up by astounding data. Just the thoughts of an 18 year old who enjoys coloring and baking cookies. And a few other things.)

I've always considered myself to be creative,  since the days of coloring books and massacred crayons to the present (still coloring, but now I use gel pens!) Being creative isn't always easy. Sometimes its frustrating and incredibly annoying and you just want to not care about every little minute detail,
but you can't. Because that's who you are. And gosh darn it, but I don't want to spend a second on this earth being anyone other than who I am supposed to be.

(Unless I have the option to be Beyonce)
(Pre-Lemonade Beyonce)

Life is busy. There are emails to be read (or ignored, your choice.) People demand your time and vice versa. There are grades to strive for and goals to be reached and when you're a creative kid, it can be seem like a waste time to make time for the things that fuel you. So, three tips! Some I've learned the hard way.

#1 CREATE SOME CRAP
That sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? (and not very lady like, sorry mom.) But in the process of being creative, no matter your craft, I believe a fair amount of crap is in order. You will make and make and it will be horrible. Don't stop there; Make and create some more and all of the sudden, it will be magic. I've never stumbled upon magic without a little crap first, it comes with the territory.

#2. TOO MUCH ART? NO SUCH THING.
This is one I believe 100%. Even if you're busy and you physically don't have time to create, make sure you're consuming a fair amount of art daily. Consider it like calories, you need them in order to live. So eat your protein and drink your milk, artistically speaking. On busy days it could be a quick scroll through a curated feed or given more time, a documentary on your favorite artist. Visit museums, browse online galleries. Consume Art in all forms! And don't skimp on this one; none of that non fat nothingness for us.

#3. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT BUT PATIENCE HELPS TOO.
Be patient with your artistic journey. It's great to set goals and even better to achieve them but sometimes life throws a wrench (or two) (or five) in our plans. And that's okay too. Relax, drink some tea and celebrate where you are and be encouraged by the possibility of where you will go. And then drink some more tea.

This post was brought to you by emotions, feels, finals procrastination and viewers like you. Thank you.

A STATE OF THE UNION....OF SORTS.

Recently I had an Epiphany:
 I'm going to miss high school.

Which is stupid! Because High school is dumb and silly and just 4 years out of a lifetime. And on top of that, high school hasn't been anything like I expected it too, and I'm blaming 99% of that on High School Musical for setting wildly high expectations. There have been no choreographed dance numbers, no pizza dates on the balcony, no unexpected karaoke nights.

(and I'm STILL waiting for Zac Efron but alas.)

These past 4 years have been brutal and wonderful and painful and peaceful. Despite the drama, puberty and, you know, the actual school, I've settled into a rhythm. Its comfortable, familiar...and about to be taken away from me. I've grown to love high school more than I ever thought I could.
And the fact that graduation is approaching isn't really helping my unexpected attachment to these weird years.

So how are things? In the State of Kryn, land of chocolate and typos? Things are bittersweet. Sometimes really sweet, sometimes awful bitter. I'm working toward a balance, a milk chocolate middle of the road. But most days, it's one or the other and that's okay for now.

And so in closing, I would like to thank my own Troy Boltons and my own Wildcats for making these last 4 years memorable and full of dancing (though not pre-choreographed) and love (though it be only platonic....) and for giving me something that I really will miss.

Because wouldn't it be a shame if I didn't have anything to miss?

it was after all, A painfully beautiful Fall.

He's been good to me this year.

The thing about Florida, is that you miss the Fall. We miss seeing the trees catch fire and burn with color, intense reds and golds. And then, as the season draws to a close, the tree's slowly drop their colorful coat till there's nothing left but naked, bare branches.

(just a highly poetic review of how the season works, for those of you knew to this whole thing. You're welcome!)

My whole point in that grand illusion was that last year, I was breaking and decaying. Just like the leaves, I was dying.

And even so, He made it glorious.

Fall is more than just a season for nature, it can be a season for us too. I was and still am in a great and wonderful Fall. I am being stripped (ever had an eating disorder? Ever lost your best friend?) and yet still, somehow, it is dazzling and brilliant and positively radiant.

And the color that shines through me, pristine shades of red and those of gleaming amber?

That my friends, is the glory of Christ.

I had wrong. I had mistaken this all for a desolate Winter. But no, this was a Fall. A season of dying to self, of shedding earthly layers, of laying it all under His tree.

Part of me was dying.

The rest was being born again.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 

a time to be born, and a time to die;

 a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

 a time to break down, and a time to build up; 

a time to weep, and a time to laugh; 

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Friends, are you going through a Fall? It's beautiful struggle, I promise.

THE BEST FRIEND BUSINESS

THE BUSINESS of BEST FRIENDS and WHY I'M CLOSING UP SHOP.

I had a best friend once.

Thank God it was only once!

Just like all good things in life (cookies, clothes and dogs), Friends come in all shapes and sizes. But I didn't know that a few years ago. I thought every person I befriended had to be just like my best friend. Potential friends had to pass a serious test! They had to love dusting as much as I did, laugh at the same parts as I did in Star Wars and, naturally, not bother with the calories of cupcakes.

It was a shame! First of all, Star Wars is not actually funny so anyone who laughs at it is probably certifiably crazy. Second, I was holding everyone to the standard of my best friend of 15 years, expecting everyone to know me like she did. Which is unfair to both myself, and the poor people who were attempting friendship with me.

It's so refreshing to not have to worry about a having ONE  best friend. I can have a movie night bestie and an Instagram bestie. I've got friends who I see a few times a year, ones I share my juicy gossip with and of course, friends I keep strictly for the fact that they're always armed with a full pack of gum.

It's all in the details. ;)

So having one best friend?? I speak from experience when I say its overrated. I'm adopting new friendship mantra's right and left, but the more the merrier is the only one that seems to stick. I truly want to love everyone and appreciate all the good things about them.... even if they don't know to laugh at Yodas hovercraft chair.

But of course, friends who share gum will be always be a little higher on the totem pole.
It's just kind of a given.

FEB 15TH

Depends on who you ask, but Valentines day is pretty much a commercial holiday. Yeah of course there is that story about Saint Valentine, I’m fairly certain St. Val wouldn’t be too impressed with the candy hearts (TXT ME) (LUV U) and the teddy bears (but then, I’m with him on that one.)

More over, Valentines day is a manufactured holiday celebrating generic, meaningless love.

I also pride myself on my optimism!

The thing about the worldly love, is that its fake. Only as deep as the box of truffles and bouquet of roses. Once the truffles have been consumed (but not forgotten… “a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!) and the roses have wilted….what’s left?

Woven in amongst the many the’s and thous, the world Love is mentioned in the Bible 551 times. And not once is it referring to sexy romantic getaways or chocolate covered strawberries. Out of all 551 (Gosh what an uneven number! couldn’t Jesus have said it one more time!??!) times the word is used, it’s never used lightly. Love is something real, something greater than how we feel about paint color or a pair of shoes.

Love is so much more.

"LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND. IT DOES NOT ENVY, IT DOES NOT BOAST, IT IS NOT PROUD. LOVE IS NOT RUDE, SELF SEEKING OR EASILY ANGERED AND IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS. LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS, ALWAYS TRUSTS, ALWAYS HOPES. 

LOVE NEVER FAILS."

Valentines day is done and the world will be returning to monotony. But as Christians, every day should be a celebration of the love that made us and sustains us. Everyday we deserve to eat guilt free chocolate because gosh darn it, we are made in the image of God! And I don’t know about you, but I’m guessing God doesn't have to worry about counting calories.

So here’s to a never ending Valentines day, a daily celebration of TRUE LOVE. A 24/7, 365 fete exalting the Love of Christ, love that lasts beyond a dozen roses and a candlelight dinner.

GO FORTH IN LOVE FRIENDS!
(as in, go to Target cause the chocolate is on sale!)

Thank you to the Joe's and Rose's

Not to be redundant, but there's this one scene in You've Got Mail that perfectly describes today. It also, as a matter of fact, happens to be about Thanksgiving! But then again, when is You've Got Mail NOT appropriate? 

The scene I'm thinking of  is the one where Kathleen Kelly's credit card is causing all kinds of problems and unexpectedly Joe Fox (with the help of Rose! And Henry!) swoops in and saves the (Thanksgiving) day from disaster and doom. Because, that's just what Joe Fox does my friends.

And so on that same note, I'm thankful for the little, unexpected saviors that change my days from terrible to not so terrible. God has put people in my life who shine even brighter on my darkest days. Sometimes it's a close friend, sometimes it's a stranger. (Sometimes it's one of those people you only half-know and it's really awkward when you run into them in the grocery store). It's all so sudden (and in the oddest ways!). how God can stop me in my tracks and show me that things are not so bad after all.

Yes, I'm thankful for my house and my family and health and all that. But I'm also thankful for the unsung heroes, my Joe Foxes and my cashiers named Rose who come in all sorts of forms (special Chocolate, a good book, a nice complement, an extra hug at the just the right time... to name a few.) 

Sometimes it doesn't seem like I've got a lot of substantial things to give thanks for. (No 25 days of Gratefulness for me....or so I thought!) But somehow, all those Joe's and Roses add up faster than I can count and I realize, I've got a whole darn lot to praise Jesus for.

Happy Thanksgiving to You and Yours! Hope your day was brimming with pies of pumpkin and stuffing of stuff.

Now, It's your turn to say Happy Thanksgiving back....?

PS: Photo by Sarah. She's one of my Roses.

Back to life, Back to Nutella (FOUR)

And with that, my little novel, (ahem, novelette!) is over!

Thank you all so much for the love over the past few days (faith in humanity: restored!) It's hard to be vulnerable and open, but I've been sitting on these posts for a good couple of months, and it felt like the right time to let 'em free! I needed closure, I needed freedom....and to talk about the elephant in the room.

Luckily though, I'm done! We can go back to worrying about the important things in life. I currently have a wildly impressive cold sore which demands a lot of my nervous energy, as well as the looming horrors of history tests and piano recitals. And you? You've probably got a 3 seasons of Downton Abbey to catch up on. I'm sorry for interrupting your marathon!

But, after all, I can't make everyone happy,
I'm not a jar of nutella.

Let that be a life lesson to all of us. And off you go!

REJOICE IN HOPE, 

BE PATIENT IN TRIBULATION, 

AND STEADFAST IN PRAYER.

Romans 12:12

And suddenly, a comma! (THREE)

(exhale friends, the end is near! we can go back to macaroon photos soon!)

Losing a friend is hard. Losing my best friend was really hard.
But in my retelling of the tale, I left out the most important part of the story,

I left out My wonderful, gracious, extraordinary Heavenly Father.

Our friendship may have ended, BUT GOD remained a faithful friend to me. I may have been broken, BUT GOD was my strength. I may have felt helpless and alone, BUT GOD lifted my burdens into His mighty hands. I might have been friendless, BUT GOD filled my cup and then some.

As fate (or God! probably that ) would have it, I have simultaneously been experiencing this same kind of thing, but on the other end. On the end full of grace and goodness. One friendship crashing down, another being built back to glorious heights. He restored a different old, broken friendship. He resurrected it! He made it new! (it's like Easter all over again!)

And because of that, because of HIM, I have hope. Not because the situation looks promising,
But because I know God is in control of the situation. Redemption is inevitable, it's just a question of which side of Heaven it will happen on.

Because I know in the end, He wins.

And that's the best part about it.

Do you know that cute, cliche Christian quote? The one about not placing a period where God has placed a comma? A few weeks ago, I began erasing the self imposed period of this part of my story. I penciled in a comma. A divine, God ordained comma.

Sadness has been replaced with peace. Mourning slowly morphed into Joy. Weeping to (really bad) dancing. A friend lost, a new understanding of the Lord gained. And with it enough peace for a herd of hippies, which is one of the best side effects to date.

And so sorry if I faked you out with the dramatic title of this saga. This isn't really the end of everything.....

Though God's grace, it's the beginning of so much more. 

The Last Good Day (TWO)

"There's no way of knowing that your last good day is Your Last Good Day. At the time, it is just another good day." 
- The Fault in Our Stars

I had a good day with two of my dearest friends a few months ago. And, as life would have it,  I had no idea it would be my Last Good Day, of a different kind.

Imagine being friends with someone for 14 years. Imagine that you tell that person everything, the secrets, the juicy news, the drama. The friend whose door you don't have to knock on, because you know you can come right in. The friend who was more than just a friend, she was your sister.

And then imagine that one day, she won't talk to you.

(plot twist!)

It's been really hard for me, the past few months. Losing my greatest friend, my (I thought) closest ally. I honestly can't even remember NOT being friends with her because we've been friends for so long.

Or I should say, we were friends for so long. Key word being were.

It's not easy to lose someone you thought would be in your life forever. It's not easy to wake up one morning and realize you don't have anyone to talk to about boys or nail polish (both, equally important in life.) And when you're that girl who has had your wedding planned for years...well, now I have to start looking for a new maid of honor.

I keep thinking back to the Last Good Day. And I wish I could have known, how significant that day really was. I try and remember something that went wrong, but it was perfect. In every way...to me at least. We were giggling at inside jokes practically older than us, snapping bestie photos and all that jazz.

But no.

It was the last time we'd ever laugh about that joke, the last time we'd ever take a photo together.

That was the last time she was my best friend.

That was the last time she was my friend at all.

The stupid thing is, I'm not even mad. I'm heartbroken and crushed and in tears some days, but I'm not mad at all. I keep expecting a text from her. I keep thinking I've got to tell her this! I'm still curious how her book is coming and if the characters got married or not and wondering if she still keeps the newspaper clipping of our art teacher in her closet.

And then I realize, I'll never know. 

And that's hard for me.

THE GREAT MAKEUP DEBATE

While staying at a friend's, whose sister is (basically) a professional makeup artist, I flitted into the bathroom as said sister was doing makeup things and casually asked if she would do a cat eye on me.

In other words, would she put more eyeliner on in one swoop than I've had in my entire life?

(by the way, she said yes.)

And then, of course as it would be, at church we had a discussion (with girls! and boys!) about makeup. Which actually first made me self conscious, ragey, then angry, confused, determined and then all those emotions can only lead to one thing: chocolate. After consuming more Hershey kisses than I'd like to admit, I began processing what I felt about this (which may or may not have involved a little lana del ray and, of course, MORE chocolate.

I wrote a blog post as soon as I got home! Then I face timed a friend. And called another. To each I asked, "Do boys really write us off as shallow if we wear makeup?". My friends didn't really know, and neither did the blog post. Darn! That question was at the forefront of my mind for nearly 2 weeks. I even got to the point where I questioned every swipe of mascara. MY MASCARA people. That's like questioning my love for chocolate chips!

Speaking of chocolate, I think I could use some more.

As a Christian girl, it's hard to find the fine, blurry line between looking nice and drawing attention. It's hard to take part in life's simple pleasures (mascara! blush! lipstick!) without feeling overly shallow and self focused. And when you hear it straight out of a guys mouth, that they don't like makeup, they could care less, prefer it when you don't have any on....what does one do?

I prayed, looked up talks on makeup, tried to find scripture that shed light on my questions. 

But my questions were answered at a Pentecostal wedding, of all places.

For those of you (like myself!) who are not familiar with Pentecostal ways, in addition to pew jumping, they also do not wear makeup. I honestly don't think I've EVER seen a group of women completely make up free, and it was refreshing in an unexpected way. Because it reinstated the fact that to me, I wear makeup to enhance my natural beauty, not cover it up. It's an art form, something we girls bond over, a way to express myself. Never ever, to cover or hide what God gave me.

I come to you now, fully assured of my convictions on makeup. But I'm curious, where do you stand?

FORGET FOREVER. I'M THANKFUL FOR TODAY.

In the past few months, God has placed many amazing girls in my life. Girls that I'm lucky enough to call my friends, to share my secrets with, to hug and snuggle and watch depressing movies with (a true test of friendship!). Some of them I've been friends with for a while, and we've grown closer. With others, I hardly knew they existed and what's this? Sleepovers and phone calls and texts and all that jazz!

If there's one thing I've learned with making friends (and keeping them!) it is that nothing lasts forever. No matter how many promises you make, forever isn't really achievable, not in this sin filled world. And so, I'm just grateful that I have today with these new, precious friends. And I'll leave tomorrow and next week and forever up to God. I mean, He's been working on this forever thing for like, forever.

I'm glad God doesn't always give you what you ask for,
because these girls far exceed what I prayed for.

THE IRRESISTIBLE SALTWATER SUMMER OF MY SOUL

It's not even summer, and I'm already having the most glorious summer of my life!

How's that for great logic?!?

A few months ago I finally donned my first pair of Saltwater Sandals! Needless to say, I could go on and on with pinterest love quotes about these babies. And so I wore them in Italy. I wore them at NC. I wore them in DC. And now, finally home, I'm wearing them in the good old Sunshine State.

People keep noticing (and if they don't, I'm sure to point them out!) my incredible saltwater tan lines. Which on the one hand, I worked on, but on the other hand, they came so fast! And the deeper the lines get, the more drastic the contrast, the more I realize what fun I'm having. Since we're all into metaphors these days (thanks tfios!) let's just say that last year, or any other year, I wouldn't have any saltwater tan lines. (Partly because uh, I didn't own Saltwaters! But mostly because, for the first time in forever, I'm really living!) And let me just say, it feels fabulous to be alive.

So here's to the irresistible saltwater summer of my soul! Fingers crossed that the tan lines intensify due to an increase in sweet, sweet summertime pleasures.

PS: I wasn't kidding....

TRAVEL MAKETH THOU MODEST

After a mad dash to the bathroom post landing on one of our latest flights, I was stuck in the back of the plane with an older woman and a flight attendant. The older woman began picking her finger nails, and the flight attendant and I struck up a conversation. About Italian pepperoni, the flight time to New Zeland and my obsession with Pinterest.

After talking a bit he asked (more like guessed) if I was a senior! To which I hastily said no and informed him that while technically a sophomore, I am still mentally 8. (Okay, so maybe I left out the last part. We are learning digression in 2nd grade!) He was surprised I was so young. Really? He probed. But you seem so mature! You must have traveled a lot.

And the thing about it is that that silly Delta flight attendant with the French wife and the childhood spent in Bahrain has it right. Because if it's one thing I've learned, travel does make you modest and mature (double m word! don't tell my mommy!). It shows you how small you are in this crazy big world. How insignificant you really are. And while I, OF COURSE, believe everyone is special, it's always good to see that you ain't the only special person on the earth.

As our year of nonstop travels comes to a close, I'm so so so so so (and so on) grateful for the opportunity I have been given. To see the world, take it in, and realize how small I am. My experiences (and by that I mean travels!) have shaped me, and I'm all the better for it. For now though, it's time to settle down and appreciate the beautiful place I live (and love.)

But like he said, travel makes you modest.

It all started with a sappy movie....

It has been one of those weeks that has been essentially terrible. Not to say it isn't laced with wonderful things, but the general mood has been dreary. Of course, thanks to typical teenage raging hormones, everything seems worse. But I don't know, it's been one of those weeks where you just want to cry for no reason at all.

And so, I did.

At a friends no less. Without waterproof mascara, no less. I knew it would find a way out somehow, and apparent I just needed a hallmark movie to shove me along. I cried an ugly cry and I couldn't figure out why.

After my mascara had made it to my neck, I realized that it wasn't about the mom with cancer or the little girl whose house had just burned to the ground. It was about me and my life and everything that's been going on. And that my inner house was burning to the ground as well.

Yesterday our drama teacher asked us to look at the person next to us. Andrew and I raised our eyebrows and laughed a little. And then she said that we may not know what the other person is going through, that we'd never know by how they acted what they were struggling with. And I don't know whats really up in Andrews life, but heck, I know he as no idea whats going on in mine. Not to say something awful is brewing, I've just had a lot on my mental plate and in my heart.

Today I intend to watch another sappy movie and see if I can't get the rest out. Feel free to join me, as there will be plenty of chocolate involved in the heart healing process.

Above all else, GOD IS GOOD.

And all the time, He is good.

"Is your place a small place? Tend it with care; He set you there. Is your place a large place? Guard it with care! He set you there. Whatever your place, it is not yours alone, but His who set you there."

GIRLS GUSH...thoughts on Instagram comments and the like

A few days ago my brother mentioned how irritating comments girls leave on Instagram are. And I'll have you know that at that point I ran to hide in my closet. Um, i leave those comments? And um, I like those comments! On the one hand, I see it. Especially from a guy's point of view, for them it would be weird to say "You are so pretty!" and the 10000 variations that stem from it, all of which I can never remember when I'm leaving a comment so I'm just like" umm...you look nice." Awkward.

But then on the other hand, I totally get it. I get that every, single, day, girls need to be told they are beautiful. In a world full of models and photoshop (that's the worst one.) ,  it's hard to feel like you are anything special at all. I believe that every day girls need to be reassured that they are wonderful, whether it's their heart or their looks or their passion for life. Heck, I need to hear it all the time! And sometimes it's the encouragement from friends or affirmation from a stranger that helps a girl stand a little taller and feel for, even just a second, that she's wonderful.

And I don't know about you, but I'm all for girls knowing they are beautiful.

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Do you find the comments annoying or uplifting? And n the spirit of this post, here's a selfie! You know what to do....