BLOOM AND GROW FOREVER

“A garden to walk in and immensity 

to dream in--what more could he ask? 

A few flowers at his feet 

and above him the stars.” 

-Victor Hugo

 I told a friend about my blog, which is something I rarely (read: ever) do. He was super complimentary and kind and it was a good experience! But he made a comment in passing out the name of my blog and it stuck with me.

"Garden of Happiness? What does that even mean?"

Granted, his comment wasn't much more than a "haha" and everyone's favorite emoji, but it still made me do a double take and wonder why the heck I chose that name for this blog and if there was any deeper meaning or if it was just as spur of the moment as everything else I do.
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We were driving home through Ocala three weeks ago, all eight of us crammed in one suburban with every nook and cranny stuffed with bags, blankets and extra stashes of jelly beans (cause you know, sitting in the car for thirteen hours requires a lot of energy slash motivation slash food. duh.) Have you ever driven through Ocala though? Because it's a serious place for contemplation and reflection. The sun was ridiculously bright that day and the clouds were so perfectly shaped they looked nearly fake and I got to thinking about things...which is also something I rarely do.

Having spend the past week in the mountains, celebrating our senior status by no curfews and annoying freshman, the prospects of the future and the pain and positive memories from the past were  on everyone's mind and a popular topic of discussion.

When I think about my four fateful years of High School a lot of unfortunate outfit choices and awkward moments come to mind. But when you look at who I was, a scared and insecure tiny freshman...I've come a darn long way. I have grown, not always graciously or gracefully, into the person, the ADULT, that God created me to be.

I realized that I have begun to bloom.
And then I thought of Jonathan's question.
And then, it all made sense.

The word "Bloom" is grossly overused in hipster circles. And while I hate to be cliche (except where starbucks is involved), it seems to really fit in this particular case. When I mindlessly named my blog "Garden of Happiness" so many eons ago, I didn't realize that this truly would be a place for me to blossom. From a creative standpoint, I have this blog and my mother to thank (also jesus!) for any decent photo I can take now. I've taken thousands of awful photos, posted hundreds of equal or lesser quality and written a whole slew of typo infested words to go along with.

Not only do I have the depths of the archives to look back on for memories sake, but my creative journey is clearly documented (albeit some of it cringeworthy, but documented non the less) and it's encouraging and refreshing and embarrassing, all in one!

I remember sitting in the student lounge one day my freshman year. I was awkward and pimple prone and all that teenage jazz. As I was chowing down on my pizza, two of the senior girls breezed through. Instantly, my friends and I were soaking in their every movement; They way the walked was impeccable! I specifically remember being quite entranced with the brown braided belt Rebecca was wearing.

(Because I'm not creepy at all)

Now as a senior (and a blonde!) I've realized that it isn't as magical as it seemed back then. Sure you have free reign, but you also have like, responsibility and stuff. And a future to think about. And car payments to make (thanks mom!) but still.

Growing up isn't always easy. But it can be fun and at the end of the day, it must be done. I'm thankful the Lord has carried me through these past 4 years. To revert back to my flower analogy (my whole life is a flower analogy, tbh), there have been a heck of a lot of thorns and droughts and weeds to grow through. But somehow, I managed. To grow and blossom and bloom and flourish and all that flowery, florid jazz.

 "EVERYTHING IS BLOOMING MOST RECKLESSLY; 

IF IT WERE VOICES INSTEAD OF COLORS, 

THERE WOUD BE AN UNBELIEVABLE 

SHRIEKING INTO THE HEART OF NIGHT."

(Rainer Maria Rilke)

(whoever that is)

Unless you live in a commercial, being a kid isn't always sunshine and roses. There are skinned knees and broken hearts, myriads of hurt feelings and a handful of humiliating moments. (okay, make that a couple handfuls.) But in the end, I'm still in vivid bloom.

And I'm grateful. And I'm thankful. And in case you were wondering...I really love flowers.

All in all, my life is pretty good right now. And very different from my life 4 years ago. I'm graduating, dating, driving to starbucks at least 3x a day for peach tea, working and going to like 10 different churches (oh and I'm gluten free. live gfree man.) I'm thankful the Lord allowed me to bloom into the person He created me to be. I'm not scared of people anymore! I can make phone calls without breaking into a nervous sweat! Forget not failing high school, 

that might be the biggest accomplishment of all of them. 

I started this blog six freaking summers ago, having no idea that the name of it would foreshadow my future and inspire many poor life metaphors along the way.

here's to blooming and growing, forever.