The Last Good Day (TWO)

"There's no way of knowing that your last good day is Your Last Good Day. At the time, it is just another good day." 
- The Fault in Our Stars

I had a good day with two of my dearest friends a few months ago. And, as life would have it,  I had no idea it would be my Last Good Day, of a different kind.

Imagine being friends with someone for 14 years. Imagine that you tell that person everything, the secrets, the juicy news, the drama. The friend whose door you don't have to knock on, because you know you can come right in. The friend who was more than just a friend, she was your sister.

And then imagine that one day, she won't talk to you.

(plot twist!)

It's been really hard for me, the past few months. Losing my greatest friend, my (I thought) closest ally. I honestly can't even remember NOT being friends with her because we've been friends for so long.

Or I should say, we were friends for so long. Key word being were.

It's not easy to lose someone you thought would be in your life forever. It's not easy to wake up one morning and realize you don't have anyone to talk to about boys or nail polish (both, equally important in life.) And when you're that girl who has had your wedding planned for years...well, now I have to start looking for a new maid of honor.

I keep thinking back to the Last Good Day. And I wish I could have known, how significant that day really was. I try and remember something that went wrong, but it was perfect. In every way...to me at least. We were giggling at inside jokes practically older than us, snapping bestie photos and all that jazz.

But no.

It was the last time we'd ever laugh about that joke, the last time we'd ever take a photo together.

That was the last time she was my best friend.

That was the last time she was my friend at all.

The stupid thing is, I'm not even mad. I'm heartbroken and crushed and in tears some days, but I'm not mad at all. I keep expecting a text from her. I keep thinking I've got to tell her this! I'm still curious how her book is coming and if the characters got married or not and wondering if she still keeps the newspaper clipping of our art teacher in her closet.

And then I realize, I'll never know. 

And that's hard for me.