When Chicago dogs cause you problems.

If you happened to drive out of your local Sonic a few days ago and see a girl trying to stuff a Chicago dog in her mouth, that was probably me. I'll admit I wasn't graceful, but what's a girl to do? Stop eating? Never. Chicago dogs are normally uneventful and mellow. Tasty but not exciting. But I was graced with an ordinary dog. It was adventure packed. It was a rascal. But I can be bossy if I want and I bossed that thing into my mouth like a seasoned pro.

So if you just so happen to find yourself with a troublemaker Chicago dog, do these things and in battle Random person vs. Chicago dog, you'll win!

Order it the way you want it. Otherwise you might find yourself scooping of sweet relish. And peppers.

If you didn't follow step one...dispose of all unwanted items as soon as possible. Unless of course you want to sit on a pepper the whole way home.

Keep everything contained. And contained does not involve onions in your shorts.

Eat the pickle with the hotdog. Or you are at risk to by squirted by your pickle.

Toothpicks required. Poppy seeds can be only slightly stingy at times.

And that's how we seasoned pros do our Chicago dogs. We might not include me. I'm just speaking on behalf of the public masses. They wanted you to know.

Go and Eat your Chicago Dog. And don't get onions in your pants. Amen.


PPS: Beverage day post? Nope. But I did celebrate so don't think I forgot. Also, sorry for my Mexican rant. I love ya you Mexican. But be a proud American because America is amazing!