Twenty. Such a small word but yet it has such a powerful impact on my feelings of youth and childhood and bliss. Twenty seems like the age in life where you find out how cruel and ruthless the real world is. It's like finding out Santa doesn't exist. The magic of adulthood you thought was just around the corner turns out to be nothing more than a figment of your idyllic imagination.
And on that note, I turn twenty tomorrow.
Twenty seems neat and tidy on paper. Ducks all in a row, resume polished and your wardrobe suddenly becomes peppered with blazers and poplin shirts. Except in reality? I still can't decide what to order at Chick-Fil-A and my favorite jacket this season is a furry coat...from the kids section.
It gives me the chills to think about everything that could happen in the next 10 years. A college degree? A husband? Children? A stable job? The ability to answer the phone without anxiety? Who knows what lies ahead in this next decade. I wonder how many times my heart will be broken, how many friendships I'll have to mend, and how much money I'll spend on coffee in the next ten years. Probably a lot more than that hypothetical stable job can afford.
I am thankful I won't be alone. Christ is guiding this expedition. He's teaching me that it takes bravery to take steps, but also an equal amount of fortitude to stay fixed in a solid foundation. It takes guts to grow, and guts to stay. In my head the 20's are about reaping the harvest but in reality, I've only begun to sow. My life, which has the potential to grow into a beautiful, willowy flower, is a mere seed at this stage. Wherever He plants me, I can trust that it is the soil He made me for.
Here's to a blooming in a garden of Christ's incandescent happiness. And here's to growing through a lot of dirt first.
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